Having cancer doesn’t stop you being interested in sex. The good news is, unless your doctor tells you otherwise, you’re fine to have sex. It’s really important to use a condom though, and to check with your doctor or nurse if there are other precautions you should take. (And remember the legal age to have sex for you and your partner in the UK is 16.)
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If you’re having chemo or having sex with someone having chemo, always use a condom – even for oral sex and even if you’re using other kinds of contraception. You can pass on chemicals from chemo during sex.
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This is common and can happen for lots of reasons – hormonal changes, tiredness, anxiety, just not feeling great about yourself. It can be a side effect of radiotherapy and some drugs too.
If this happens to you and you’re in a relationship, try and talk to your partner to help them understand. Reassure them, let them know what you’re going through and listen to what they’re thinking. And remember there are plenty of ways – like cuddles and massages – to be intimate without having sex.
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Cancer and cancer treatment can cause various changes that affect sex.
If you’re male, you might:
Find it hard to get an erection
Find it hurts to come
Not come when you have an orgasm.
If you’re female, you might:
Find your vagina is dry
Have surgery that affects parts of your body linked to sex, such as your breasts, uterus, ovaries and vulva.
The best advice – as with so many things during and after cancer treatment – is to try and talk about it. There’s no need to feel embarrassed. To your doctors and nurses, talking about any of these issues is just another medical conversation.
You can always ask to speak to a man or woman if you’d prefer, and to have a conversation in private away from your parents or carers.
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Even if kids are the last thing on your mind right now, one day you might feel differently. Whatever your age, remember you have a right to talk to your support team and ask any questions about how treatment might affect your fertility.
It’s true that chemotherapy and radiotherapy can affect your ability to have a family, but there are things you can do now that could help.
If you’re male, you might be able to freeze sperm in a sperm bank, for example. If you’re female, it might be possible to freeze embryos, eggs or tissue from your ovaries. Your doctor will be happy to let you know more about all of these options.
Your periods might stop or become irregular during treatment, but this doesn’t mean you can’t have children. Again, talk to your doctor if you’re worried.
Once your treatment is over, you can be tested to check your fertility levels. It’s worth thinking carefully about this and talking to someone close to you about how you would deal with bad news. And remember that infertility caused by treatment can be temporary.
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It’s not a good idea to try to have a baby during cancer treatment, as the treatment could harm your baby, so it’s important to use contraception. Your GP can let you know the best type for you.
It’s also usually best to wait a while after treatment before starting a family – and your GP can give you an idea of how long, too.